Hope matters. Hope is a choice. Hope can be learned. Hope can be shared with others. Hope makes you resourceful so that you can think of options. Hope is about tomorrow.
The victim is the clearest example of a person who has given up on hope.
Why is that? The victim sets themselves up against the world. A world which is ungiving and out to get more of what has already been taken: more of all the things that I am entitled to. This world is not anonymous. People in my life-space populates that world. The life I live is the product of their not giving or of their demands. They define my life, as they even define me.
How does “making hope happen” even have a chance to make a difference? Thinking like a victim is to run thought viruses. Hope is the anti-virus program. Victim-thinking is caught up in the past, and an expectancy that the future will be more of the same, a duplicate of the past. The price one pays for the risk-free and secure thinking of a victim is the loss of a future. Not any kind of future. A future of options and differences. It is only a virus that wipes tomorrow and its possibilities.
Having a special interest in what goes wrong in occupational accidents, and how experts frequently do them rather than avoid them, I saw some similarities with victims.
In an amazingly readable book, Laurence Gonzales writes in this “Deep Survival” that the key to avoiding and surviving accidents is in controlling one’s emotions, and looking at the facts. Controlling emotions also means not giving into the fear and hopelessness of the moment. Two key questions in the moment are: what is happening? What is positive in this moment, or what (little bit, or at first) can I do now! These two questions help one to not be sucked in by the bad of the moment. Also, it opens the next moment with a consideration of: What can I do! This is an idea emphasised by none other than Jim Collins (http://www.jimcollins.com/article_topics/articles/how-to-manage-through-chaos.html) with his idea of the 20-mile march. He uses the acronym SMaC. The word “SMaC” stands for Specific, Methodical, and Consistent. A clear definition of goals and options, then systematic on the 20-mile march. Knowing when to walk, knowing when to rest or prepare.
A few core ideas around hope:
- the future will be better than the present;
- you can get there from here: I have the power to make it so. This idea fuels the effort to get going and not succumb. The first step is the beginning!
- there will always be obstacles but, there are many pathways to my goal. This is the heart of resilience: find the other option! (in the context of negotiation William Ury refers to “the third option.”)
Shane Lopez wrote “Making Hope Happen.” This is my most favourite book on hope, available from Amazon. He summarises the three components for making hope happen in the following way:
Goals: We seek out and identify an idea of where we want to go, what we want to accomplish, who we want to be— whether tomorrow or over a lifetime. Some goals are vague or fleeting and quickly forgotten. Others are actively shaped and modified over time. Hope is built from the goals that matter most to us that we come back to repeatedly, and that fill our minds with pictures of the future.
Agency: The word agency is shorthand for our perceived ability to shape our lives day to day. As “agents,” we know we can make things happen (or stop them from happening), and we take responsibility for moving toward our goals. Over time, we develop our ability to motivate ourselves; we build our capacity for persistence and long-term effort. Agency makes us the authors of our lives.
Pathways: We seek out and identify multiple pathways to our goals, pick the most appropriate routes for our situation, and monitor our progress over time. These are the plans that carry us forward, but we’re aware that obstacles can arise at any time. So, we remain curious and open to finding better paths to our desired future.
In summary: take the first step into an alternative tomorrow. This is just the best anti-virus program for being immobilised by victimhood.