As a young person who has recently made the transition from being a dependent student to an independent young adult I fully appreciate the challenge of “growing up”. I recently came across an interesting article written by Tim Almore. Tim made the point that youth today are exceptionally advanced intellectually but generally behind emotionally.
The reason for this is not entirely clear. Perhaps parents have on the whole been more inclined to hover over their kids. Perhaps it is the case that parents are generally experiencing the world as more dangerous then they did in the past and are thus more reluctant to let their kids spread their wings in the wide world. It might however be the result of a highly stimulated youth lacking the incentives that may have previously driven youth out into the world to make it on their own.
Tim for his part is convinced that the reason behind the prevalence of emotional immaturity is the fact that the youth are being fed information that they are not yet ready to handle. Whatever the root cause of this phenomenon is it will be useful for young people to keep in mind the marks of a mature person. This will give them something to keep in mind when making the transition from being an adolescent to being a young responsible adult. The following list is taken from Tim Elmore’s article.
1. A mature person is able to keep long-term commitments.
One key signal of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. Part of this means a student is able to keep commitments even when they are no longer new or novel. They can commit to continue doing what is right even when they don’t feel like it.
2. A mature person is unshaken by flattery or criticism.
As people mature, they sooner or later understand that nothing is as good as it seems and nothing is as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.
3. A mature person possesses a spirit of humility.
Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren’t consumed with drawing attention to themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can even sincerely give honor to their Creator who gave them the talent. This is the opposite of arrogance.
4. A mature person’s decisions are based on character not feelings.
Mature people—students or adults—live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond merely reacting to life’s options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.
5. A mature person expresses gratitude consistently.
I have found the more I mature, the more grateful I am, for both big and little things. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it, compared to most of the world’s population.
6. A mature person knows how to prioritize others before themselves.
A wise man once said: A mature person is one whose agenda revolves around others, not self. Certainly this can go to an extreme and be unhealthy, but I believe a pathway out of childishness is getting past your own desires and beginning to live to meet the needs of others less fortunate.
7. A mature person seeks wisdom before acting.
Finally, a mature person is teachable. They don’t presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom. They’re not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or from other sources. Only the wise seek wisdom.
Comments
4 responses to “7 Marks of Maturity”
Excellent refresher on many of the qualities previously associated with EQ. I trust however that as a lecture in philosophy, you respect the beliefs of more than 60% of human beings who do not have a metaphysical/supernatural ‘Creator’ in their world view. For them, Talent is not given by a ‘Creator’. It is a combination of genetic inheritance and ECD (Early Childhood Development) nurturing. I know that the fairy-tale of a loving (if we follow the ‘New’ and not the ‘vengeful’ one of the ‘Old’ book), omnipotent and omnipresent Being who cares about our personal existence and is able to influence our personal outcomes, whilst promising eternal bliss in the hereafter is an appealing belief, which still serves as an effective coping mechanism for many people; but it has no place in an academic setting. Otherwise, change to Theology as a subject matter. Let me add that I am no ‘Richard Dawkins’ who despises such beliefs. In fact, I envy people who are still able to believe in fairy tales. I wish I could too; but the way my brain was wired and some basic study of ancient history and religions, no longer allow me to do so. We certainly no longer need religious views in order to behave ethically. I have met more atheists who behave ethically than self-proclaimed followers of one or other theistic traditions. G_d has no place in Ethics in a secular university (not a Madrassah) course; but I fully respect your personal beliefs. You are blessed to be able to believe them.
Yes I acknowledge that the point does not appear to require the postulation of a creator. In any case talent is a gift, God given or otherwise. The point that cannot be missed is that a person is remiss to congratulate themselves for their own talent.
Gratitude is what is required. In fact gratitude is an essential element in genuinely benign behavior. If one does not operate from a place of gratitude they cannot trust their actions to be in the best interests of the other. This is an existential point. There is the possibility of a transcendental argument here but it is not essential. If you can find the space to be grateful for everything you have in your worldview then you have what is required I think.
Perhaps I should have omitted the creator comment though. That way I could have avoided such visceral reactions.
I thought it was a very cerebral response; but thank you for taking the time to reflect and respond.
I just wanted to make sure that we are not turning our universities into some other version of the Nats’ “Christelike nasionale onderwys [CNO]”. I know that it may not be always easy to keep teaching as holistic and inclusive as possible, without remnants of sectarianism creeping in.
Some nuance on your responses:
I agree that Talent is a ‘gift’ but it is also the result of personal effort: 10,000 hrs of ‘practice’ … summed up in Gary Player’s often cited quote: the harder I practise, the luckier I get. Genes give us the potential, which needs good nurturing and hard work, to be fully realised. Very few talented people ever ‘congratulate themselves’ for their talent. If they have it, they don’t need to flaunt it. Muhammad Ali was perhaps an exception by displaying some youthful arrogance.
Gratitude is an ‘healthy’ emotion, not only as a basis for constructive social interactions; but also for personal health, as it is ‘linked’ to the ‘happiness’ neurotransmitter – serotonin, as opposed to other toxic emotional / physiological states, such as chronic anxiety, which are linked to chronically elevated levels of cortisol which, amongst other harmful effects, suppresses the effectiveness of the immune system.
I am not sure however that just by operating from a place of gratitude, it will necessarily result in actions which are consistently ‘in the best interests of others’; but that’s another debate.
I always enjoy reading your blogs, usually both informative and inspiring; so keep up the good work!
Thank you for the affirmation. I do appreciate it.