Managers are often good at telling others what to do and giving advice. Leaders are better at asking what others think they should do and encouraging them to find their own solutions. Asking questions in a way that encourages others to feel comfortable enough reveal their thoughts and feelings and to reflect effectively in order to gain insights, can be something of an art. Nobody likes to feel they are being judged or interrogated, which is often the result of clumsy questions. While there is certainly a place for so-called “closed” questions, it is the “open” questions that stimulate thinking and ongoing dialogue, so these are indispensable to a coach. They gain quality information and avoid others feeling that they are being blamed for some wrong-doing.
In this coaching corner article we are going to briefly address another important conversational skill, that of asking open questions, with the help of an idealized dialogue:
In a future article we will look at the use of closed questions in a coaching context.
Sam: I don’t know what’s wrong with some people! I haven’t been having much success with my team at all, Coach! You suggested I would be more effective if I asked questions, rather than telling people what to do, but it just isn’t working! They either clam up and say nothing or they get upset and argue with me!
Coach: Well, Sam, it might be useful to think about the kind of questions you are asking.
Sam: You explained that open questions are most useful to encourage people to say more, but when I ask why someone did something or why they thought the way they did, their response is not useful at all!
Mary: I’m always hearing you ask people “why?” You seem to like that question a lot! And, if I remember correctly, Coach, you said that’s one question to avoid.
Coach: Indeed it is. If you recall, Sam, the so-called open questions we spoke about are Who?; When?; What?; Where? and How?
Sam: Yes, I do remember those, but “Why?” also gets people to explain themselves, doesn’t it?
Coach: Often not without making them uncomfortable, though, because it intimates they have done something wrong. Asked in a neutral tone of voice “Why?” may not always have that effect, although it’s far better to ask “What’s the reason?” since it is less judgmental and implies there’s some logic behind whatever action the person chose.
Mary: Think about how you feel, Sam, when the Sales Manager is always asking “Why this…?” and “Why that…?”
Sam: You’re right. I hate it! I always feel like he’s accusing me of something! I didn’t realise I was doing the same thing. So, Coach, every time I want to ask “Why?”, I need to think of something else instead, like “What did you intend to achieve?” not “Why did you do that?” or “When do you find yourself thinking like that?” instead of “Why do you think that?”
Mary: And also “How much more comfortable do you think your staff will feel if you ask genuine open questions?”
Sam: Okay. I think I’ve got it. Now what about getting to down to the nitty-gritty and finding out what’s going on? Are you telling me I shouldn’t be asking “Did you do that or not?” to get information? Or “You’re sure you’re going to get that to me on Monday?”
Coach: Those are what we call “closed” questions because they only encourage “yes” or “no’ answers. In coaching, when you want to stimulate dialogue, these are not so useful. But they certainly do have a place in coaching. And that’s a conversation for another day.