Signs of Immaturity

On the face of it, the signs of immaturity are fairly easy to identify, at least in certain circumstances. However, the range of behaviours called immature is of a great variety. A simple way to test how extensive the signs are is to take a few moments and do this pen-and-paper exercise: I. Think of three contexts: interpersonal, work and personal; II. For each context think of examples of behaviours which you would call immature, i.e. (signs) of immaturity; III. When you have identified at least 5 per context stop the exercise.

You will find that you come up with any number of things that indicate that a person is immature. Even though the way the immature person behaves comes in many shapes and forms, one way of identifying whether a person is immature is through how the recipient or observer responds to the variety of behaviours called “immature.” A typical response towards someone who behaves in an immature way is discomfort, or frustration, or anger, or dislike. It is this feeling that determines whether or not we think a person is immature or not.

Have you noticed something really different in this article so far? The way we recognise signs of immaturity is in how the person behaves, or “externalises” this attribute called immaturity. Our response to it is an emotional reaction that has as common denominator the message “not acceptable”. Herein lies the cue to why both the signs, and dealing with those signs of immaturity, is much more difficult than it seems.

Firstly: immaturity can easily become a judgement of a person behaving in a way that is unacceptable, and the response then is to label the other person as immature.

Secondly: implied in thinking about maturity is a moral or ethical standard of what the correct behaviour should be. This presupposition about what “the right” way is to behave to be called mature, is where the challenge for agreement comes in.

Thirdly: immaturity as an attribute is not a single process. Both research and labelling on a personal level ranges from pinpointing self-control issues to intensity of emotion and/or inappropriate actions. Signs of immaturity is about not having (the right) emotional control in a situation; or that they respond with an over-intensity of emotion rather than with (the right) appropriate emotion; or the behaviour displayed is not (the right) acceptable behaviour.

Given the difficulty and issues around immaturity, and the signs of immaturity, the question might come to mind: what would be the mature (right) way for me to respond to someone else’s “immaturity”? A difficult conversation is unavoidable, but here are a few steps preparing for that difficult conversation. The heart of a useful approach is to have a learner mindset (for a more detailed map to a learner mindset go to http://inquiryinstitute.com/CM.pdf)

1. Have a learner mindset by asking: if my response to the other is a message firstly to me, what is my message to me? What criteria or standard is being violated?
2. Have a learner mindset by asking: what could my positive intention be in this situation? What could I pay attention to here and now to see the situation as it is, and to give everything its due?
3. With a learner mindset: what process may I now initiate that would make a positive contribution to the situation?
4. With a learner mindset and if possible during, or then after, the difficult conversation: what am I learning about me when I label someone else”s behaviour as “immature”?
5. When I recognise the signs of immaturity, what could be my first response to switch on my learner mindset rather than go into judger mode? How would I be to be appropriately mature to enter this situation?

The signs of immaturity are fraught with judgemental and fundamental attribution errors. The label “immature” might be more a statement of me than of the other person. Caution in the form of a learner mindset is a good place to start.

As the psychologist Karl Weick is fond of asking, “How can I know who I am until I see what I do? How can I know what I value until I see where I walk?”