Midlife Crisis – A Cautionary Tale

If you’ve made it past 40, you’ve probably experienced what is commonly called the ‘midlife crisis’. This is possibly the first time that you looked back at your life and said, “Huh?”

You’ve probably started questioning your existence and what you’ve achieved. I’ll bet in your 20s you had some concept of where you wanted to be at 40, 50 and so on. If you’re like most folks, you defined how you needed life to be in order for you to be ok. You wanted to be safe and in control, didn’t you?

You wanted life to be ‘just so’.

How’d that work out for you?

If you’ve already been through your midlife crisis, then this story is too late for you. If you were lucky, you got through it relatively unscathed. If you weren’t so lucky, you got up to something really stupid and now that experience haunts you.

If you haven’t had your midlife crisis yet, read on.

This story is a cautionary tale for those of you that haven’t had your existential crisis yet. It may give you a moment to pause when you have your “huh” moment.

So, why do we have an existential crisis around the middle of our life?

I think I have a semblance of an answer that resonates with me. If it doesn’t resonate with you, you can always check out Freud, Jung or a dozen other psychologists to find your answer. There’s plenty of material on it.

I found my answer in Harrismith of all places. I attended a Personal Excellence course run by anthropologist and Human Excellence Consultant, Etsko Schuitema. His take on the midlife crisis resonated with me.

Simply, he said, “Life lied to you.”

Here’s my take on what Etsko said. Life promised that the one you married would always have a 20-year-old body; you’d have your quaint house and your two cars and two dogs, Milly and Max; that the child you conceived and love more than life itself would always love you; that your job would be fulfilling; that you’d have family and friends that would stand by you no matter what and; that the great architect of the universe would always bless you.

But, life lied, didn’t it?

Every morning you wake up to an overweight, unkempt, smelly-breathed, hairy semblance of a person at your side (if you’re single you cover up the mirrors because you can’t stand to look at yourself). You had to extend your bond again just to pay the school fees – the house isn’t so quaint anymore. You didn’t have enough money to neuter Max and he’s pissed on your favourite shoes (again). Your cute, cuddly, precious child turned into a demon when the hormones kicked in. Now it’s just fighting, door-slamming, loathing and tears. Your job sucks. And, you were last in line when great architect dished out blessings.

You look at this lot and you go, “huh.” That’s when you snort the crack-cocaine of the midlife crisis up your nose: Selfishness.

That’s when you say, “Stuff this for a joke. I’ve got nothing left to give. I’ve lost myself. It’s my time!”

You either go to the corner cafe for a packet of cigarettes and never return or you remain where you are and go totally crazy. You buy the Porsche or the Harley Davidson. You go to gym. You enhance your body with more silicon than is healthy. You finally make your move on that pretty young thing in accounting – your new boudoir being a pay-by-the-hour motel at the outskirts of town. It’s fun being ’18’ and irresponsible again, isn’t it?

We’ll, not really. Because unless you’re a total sociopathic narcissist, you’re going to come crashing down sooner than it takes for the tan line from your wedding band to fade.

Believe me, that Harley will never mend the fracture in your soul. Your little demon will be inconsolable when she realises that her hero has died. The pretty young thing will never be pretty enough to blot out the pain, hurt and betrayal from the other’s eyes.

Your time is coming. Get ready because you have choices to make.