I once read of a cleric in Australia who used to counsel couples on marriage and at the end of his lectures would give a separate handout to the men and the women. The wives would get a handout that detailed the rights of their husband and the men would get a handout of the rights of their wife towards them.
There is wisdom in dwelling on what we ought to contribute to a given relationship and in keeping with our theme this quarter, this is a little advisory for anyone who is a mentee. Here are some of the things you should keep in mind if you are in a protégé’s relationship with a mentor… in other words, these are little tips that shall help you focus on your locus of contribution:
1) Choosing a Mentor
You must feel affinity towards your mentor. Beyond the skill, expertise and success of your mentor, look out for a mind-heart connection. Listen to your own instinct. Does your mentor show genuine interest in your well being, gives you time, listen to you with rapt attention? Does the mentor hold a good reputation amongst contemporaries? Have other people benefitted from this mentor? Meet them.
2) The Mentor is a Facilitator
Whether you have a mentor helping you out in professional matters or your personal issues, know that the mentor is a facilitator to the grand conversation between you and your life. In other words, your life journey is your potential, the teacher shall only show you what you’re capable of and help you get close to achieving your potential. The effort and diligence has to come from your side.
3) Follow your Instinct
Do not be a ‘blind follower’ to your mentor. As a human you have been equipped with a sense of discrimination between what is right and what is wrong. Use this sense of discrimination to chart your journey. Use the mentor’s guidance to help you chart your path but do not allow manipulation. The biggest crimes in the history of mankind have been done under leaders who made their protégés follow their own agenda.
4) Receive
If you have found an excellent mentor; one who genuinely cares for you, who is well versed in what you are seeking expertise in and who is concerned about your growth, then receive with rapt attention to what you are ‘given’. Use your listening skills to the utmost. Practice the skills your mentor imparts and see what results you get with the practice. Share your progress with the mentor and get feedback.
5) Nice versus Appropriate
The well meaning mentor will not always be nice to you. Such a mentor will often challenge your limits to make you go higher. A sincere mentor in fact, will ruffle your feathers if you go off the track. You may be confronted if you are going wrong. If you understand that behind this confrontational demeanour sits a sincere intent, then you must receive this behaviour with the intent to rectify that which has been pin pointed.
6) Be Inspired for Evolution
The mentor must not be emulated with disregard to what your heart spells out for you. The mentor instead serves the inspiration for your own evolution to being a better person or a professional. You might go higher than your mentor. You might even change paths and find another or more mentors to assist your ascent. Do not confuse the signpost for the destination.
7) Respect the Mentor’s Space
Give consideration to the mentor’s own ‘space’ and pace. Do not encroach upon the mentor’s need for a break. Do not hound the mentor with your needs with disregard to the mentor’s need. Do not underestimate your mentor if you see human foibles. Instead take what improves you as a person and leave what harms your ascent or what you do not understand at your level of proficiency or maturity.
Summarily, do not let your relationship with your mentor define completely how you look at life. Do not also make it a convenient relationship that does not challenge your comfort zone. Strike a balance between the two stances and watch how high you soar!