One of the key skills for any coach is giving feedback. Feedback is essential, especially to enable people to recognise when they are being successful and when they need to be altering their approach. The original research which laid the basis for the Care and Growth model suggested the information that people really want from their leader is “how well am I doing?” and “how well is my part of the organisation doing?” Similarly, those being coached want to see if and where they are progressing in terms of what they are attempting to do differently.
There are certainly some “better” ways of giving feedback, such that individuals more effectively understand and internalise what is being offered to them and therefore are more prepared to take responsibility and act on the feedback received. Some of the particular enemies of effective feedback are lack of time, leading to incomplete feedback and poor understanding of what was needing to be communicated, fear of offending people and so “beating about the bush” and being overly direct, so people become upset and focus on the delivery of the feedback rather than the feedback itself, thereby frequently missing the point that was being made.
In this coaching corner article we are going to briefly address some of the more useful ways of offering feedback, with the help of an idealized dialogue:
Where coaches set assignments after coaching sessions, the coachee would typically return to the following session with feedback to the coach about progress regarding the assignment, to highlight any specific insights or learning that had taken place and to ask any questions that had subsequently emerged as a result of the assignment. Dealing with feedback will be the subject of a subsequent article.
Mary: Hi Coach, I was wondering if I could pick your brains about giving feedback. I find it fairly easy to offer positive feedback when the person I am coaching has done something well, but I am not so comfortable when I need to give negative feedback. What are your thoughts here?
Coach: Certainly, giving negative feedback can be tricky, especially as you may not be sure of the reaction you will get. It’s one of the main reasons for being vague or dropping hints, rather than coming out and telling things as they really are. Being straightforward is one of the best ways to come across as honest and as having others’ interests at heart. That means being both specific and sensitive. I find it important to state specifically what you have noticed, what are the consequences and what can be done differently in the future. For example, I would let someone know I didn’t appreciate their late-coming to a meeting by saying: “I see you are late again for our meeting without any concrete reason. This means that I am wasting my time waiting for you and that we have less time together than we need. Can I ask you to make sure to be on time in future or, if you know you will be delayed, to let me know? Ultimately, this will benefit us both.”
Sam: I had exactly that problem at my last session with Thomas and I was very direct. I told him: “Thomas you are always late and it’s just not good enough!”
Mary: Isn’t that too harsh? You spoke just now about sensitivity!
Coach: The bigger problem is the use of “always”. Sam, has Thomas really never ever been on time?
Sam: Well…no, not actually. But he was late for our last meeting and I was irritated that I had to wait again.
Coach: When you use permanent language, instead of periodic, as I just described to Mary, the person is likely to feel offended because he knows he isn’t always late, and so he may brush off the feedback and feel offended by your delivery instead. Permanent language is much better used for positive feedback: “I can always rely on you!” Another issue is focusing on the person, rather than the problem. That’s fine for positive feedback. But where it’s negative, dealing with the behaviour is more effective.
Mary: You mean saying “When you made so many errors in that report, it had to be re-written” is better than telling the person “You were just sloppy.”
Coach: Absolutely. Which brings me to another pointer. You really must give negative feedback in private.
Sam: That’s not so easy, coach. Are you saying if I am out there watching the game and I see something going wrong, I must simply ignore it?
Coach: Not at all. You can make your feedback constructive in the moment and then, if necessary deal with the problem privately. You might say : “Remember to do x before y next time” or “May I just help you here?” or, as we have just said “When you do x, the consequence is y. You need to do a in future to be effective here”.
Mary: I heard that we should never say “Don’t…”
Coach: Indeed! Don’t think of a pink elephant! Our brains focus on the positive, so telling someone what not to do is likely to steer them towards exactly the behaviour you want to avoid. It is more effective to give feedback with a beneficial intent for the receiver i.e. not to hurt them, to prove ourselves right, to punish them or to serve our ego in other ways. Rather say, “Next time it would be better if…” or “To get the best out of xyz, remember to…”
Sam: What about saying instead “You mustn’t do that or “You shouldn’t do that”?
Coach: Those are very judgmental words. Judgment or criticism, whether stated overtly or implied, is likely to provoke defensiveness or anger. A person may feel discounted as an individual, leading to loss of self-esteem and motivation, if they feel criticised. Once again, rather focus on the behaviour that is causing the problem.
Mary: I find asking a question can be a useful way of giving feedback.
Coach: That’s very true. The value of questions are that they allow a person to explain their behaviour without feeling attacked. It is dangerous to assume others’ motives, so asking is a respectful way of finding out what is or was someone’s personal perception. Remember, somebody’s intention is always positive. Questions also allow a person the opportunity to think through their behaviour and to identify what was useful or not useful about it for themselves, without being told. That increases the likelihood of them taking responsibility.
Mary: One of my staff members complained that he always knows what he is doing wrong, but not what he is doing well. What are your thoughts on that, Coach?
Coach: It’s an easy trap to fall into. Showing appreciation for efforts made, even when results may not be exactly what were expected, is a way of showing gratitude. Feedback needs to be balanced. Although it’s not always easy to achieve, research has indicated that effective leaders give five times as much appreciative feedback as negative feedback. It doesn’t negate issues when people need to improve, but it certainly recognises their commitment and inspires them to go the extra mile.
Sam: I didn’t realise giving feedback was so complicated! I think I need more practice!
To explore more issues around coaching or leadership, you might want to visit our “Coaching On the Go” application or our website for additional information.