Developing Effective Skills in Coaching Conversations

Legitimacy as a leader is gained through having a genuine desire to assist people to become the best they can be and to move towards achievement of their full potential and develop effective skills. While this aim is seldom fully achieved by individuals while reporting to the same leader, or even in the same organisation, a leader needs to use the job to grow the person as much as is possible. While there are potentially many opportunities for different conversations in which leaders act in a coaching role, all require certain basic skills.

In this coaching corner article we are going to briefly address the fundamental conversational coaching skills used with the help of an idealized dialogue:

In the previous article we covered the typical coaching conversations a leader might have with members of staff. In future articles we will look at each of the key coaching skills in more depth.

Sam: Hi Coach, you were going to tell us about the skills we need to develop to be really effective as coaches.

Coach: Indeed I was. For yourselves, what do you think they might be?

Mary: I think that before anything else, we need to make sure whoever we are coaching trusts us enough to be open, both in terms of what they have to say to us and also to what we might say to them.

Coach: In other words they have to feel safe enough to enter into dialogue with you.

Sam: That’s not going to be easy, especially when they know they’ve made a mistake or done something wrong and I am going to rap them over the knuckles! They don’t usually say anything at all, unless they make excuses!

Mary: I’ve found with my team that if I encourage learning from mistakes, they actually even approach me to admit to what’s gone wrong, rather than hoping I won’t notice or trying to hide things. I think that’s the biggest change that coaching has created in my department, a loss of fear of being “hauled over the coals” for errors.

Sam: But hang on, if you keep doing the same thing over and over, without sanction, surely that isn’t helpful?

Mary: Of course not, that’s carelessness. What I’m saying is that I investigate thoroughly when standards aren’t met and then I can deal with the underlying reasons appropriately.

Coach: This is true. And we are digressing somewhat here. Mary, how do you ensure your people feel safe in your coaching, so there is a free flow of information?

Mary: We all have our own thoughts, feelings and opinions. I encourage my staff to put theirs into a shared pool. We might not agree, but we can discuss things without criticising or negating what we each add to the pool. My people know I will respect their views and ideas, so they respect my input. It sounds simple and straightforward, but it took us quite a while to get there, believe me! But that approach has made a major contribution to the rapport between us, that harmonious connection when people can talk comfortably, even about controversial issues. We now create synergy and effective solutions through creative debate.

Sam: But aren’t we, as leaders, supposed to give advice? Don’t our people expect us to tell them what to do?

Mary: That’s no longer valid, Sam! If it ever was! I believe our role is to guide people to find their own answers by really listening to them, asking the right questions, letting them have the experience of trying to improve things for themselves and then discussing what worked and what didn’t after they have made the changes. And then repeating the process until the issues are resolved.

Coach: Exactly, Mary! Your key skills as a coach are creating relationships and rapport, listening, asking questions and giving feedback.

Sam: Isn’t telling people what to do easier and quicker?

Coach: It might well be in the short term. To what extent are you empowering people to think for themselves in the longer term, though?

Mary: I’ve seen what happens in your department, Sam, when you have to work late every night. And why? Because you spend half your day sorting out all the problems your staff should be handling! It might seem quicker, but in the longer term all you get is a whole lot more work – and at a lower level than you should be dealing with.

Sam: Mmm, maybe you have a point. I can see I’m going to have to learn a whole lot more about coaching skills. I don’t think I am too bad at listening or giving feedback but, in truth, I hardly ever ask questions and I don’t think I have much idea about rapport. I do know I’d like to go home earlier, though, so I welcome the idea of coaching people to take care of their own problems!

To explore more issues around coaching or leadership, you might want to visit our “Coaching On the Go” application or our website for additional information.