Asking Questions Versus Telling

Socrates described himself as a “midwife to understanding”, believing that while one can assist people to understand things better one cannot make them understand. Coaches have a similar role, by assisting in the delivery of understanding and competence, while not giving birth to it themselves.

In the workplace, many managers rely on telling others what to do and how to do it, whether directly or indirectly. Leaders, however, know when to ask questions that build knowledge and skill, and thereby empower others, and when it might be necessary to give instructions. Socrates also clearly recognised that asking challenging questions was the more powerful option.

In this article we are going to briefly address this issue and the range of alternatives faced by a coach, which can often create a dilemma, through an idealized dialogue:

Sam: I really have been trying to avoid telling my people what to do when we meet for our one-on-one coaching sessions, but I know they are still finding me a bit of a “control freak”. Wallace described me as exactly that yesterday. Surely there are times when it would be important to give instructions?

Coach: Of course there are Sam. You aren’t going to create a debate when there is a fire! That’s generally the exception though, isn’t it?

Sam: So something “mission critical” where errors would be costly…and what about when tasks are simple and straightforward and don’t require much thought?

Coach: Absolutely! Both those situations might well require a more telling approach. But most tasks don’t fall under either of those parameters. The most empowering way of coaching is to ask incisive questions to stimulate directions of thinking or choices that would otherwise not have occurred to the coachee. This has the most benefit with those who have sufficient knowledge or skill to develop a deeper understanding and usually results in a task being completed to a high level of quality.

Sam: What about those who don’t?

Coach: If you are indeed an expert in your field, you might offer instructions, give advice or demonstrate what is required. These are progressively less controlling approaches.

Mary: They are also progressively less motivational, unless the coachee really feels lost as to how to tackle the problem, someone without experience, like a new hire, for example.

Coach: That is true.

Sam: But doesn’t it save time, simply telling somebody what to do?

Mary: It may be that creating a deeper understanding through questioning takes the coachee more time, but that is only assuming you can explain or show the task easily, that the coachee is clear about what to do and that he actually does what is required. Sometimes he gets it wrong anyway, or you end up going over everything several times.

Coach: There is also value for you, as the coach, as it stretches and hones your coaching skills, which telling others what to do never does.

Sam: What about making suggestions? How is that different from giving advice?

Coach: Giving advice is still quite controlling as it focuses on what you think or what you would do. Suggestions are more open, in that the coachee has more choice as to whether to follow the suggestion or not. However, I would only recommend suggestions when you can see someone is struggling to work thinks out for themselves. And I would always ask if I could make a suggestion, before jumping in and offering one. That way they can refuse the suggestion if they still want to think things through.

Sam: So where my people are needing to repeat what they are doing, taking them through a questioning process would benefit us all, rather than telling them what to do and how to it. It might sometimes take more time initially, but it should save time in the end as they become more competent. And they will feel more confident and empowered as well. Okay, I get it now!

To explore more issues around coaching or leadership, you might want to visit our “Coaching On the Go” application or our website for additional information