Physical poise
Body language inevitably reflects the way we feel internally. Think about it. If a person is feeling confident and enthusiastic, you will be able to hear it from his tone of voice and see it from the gestures he uses.
In other words, mental state and physiology work together in a cybernetic loop. Anything affecting one system automatically affects the other. Consequently, your general physical condition and the way you hold your body literally change the way you experience your world.
For example, it is impossible to feel enthusiastic and upbeat, if your head and shoulders are slumped and your breathing is shallow. However, reverse this state by lifting your head, standing up straight and taking a few, deep, slow breaths and you will find it very difficult to feel depressed simultaneously.
In other words, if you want to maintain a resourceful, enthusiastic attitude with a client, then note how you hold your body, speak and breathe when you are feeling upbeat. By purposefully using and maintaining the same physical cluster, you will be able to recreate that same resourceful feeling.
“When sales people start to feel vulnerable, unless they know how to control their mental state and physical reactions, learned selling techniques will be insufficient to bolster their declining spirits.”
Mental state
The way we think about our world also determines the kind of emotions we experience.
In other words, the way we picture things or say things to ourselves about the situation at hand creates the mental state we are in and thus the kind of behaviors we produce.
For example, if we tell ourselves things are not going to work out, or visualize failure, then it goes without saying that being resourceful or achieving success will be highly improbable outcomes.
Kruger stresses that the way people talk to themselves determines the level of self-confidence they feel. Try this our for yourself :
What does your voice sound like when you talk critically to yourself? Is it loud, soft, fast, slow, irritable, etc.?
How would it sound if you were talking to someone respectfully? What are the differences?
Unless you use your respectful voice when you talk to yourself, you cannot maintain a resourceful, confident state.
Perceptual position
The third factor determining the relative confidence you feel is your perceptual sate. There are three potential perceptual positions which Kruger describes as follows :
In first position, you are fully present and aware and involved in what you are feeling and doing. In this position you will perceive the other person as being out there and not part of you.
The second perceptual position occurs when you shift and attempt to look at yourself or a situation through another person’s eyes – in other words, you guess at or assume what he or she is thinking about you or the situation at hand. While this perceptual position is essential for developing empathy, it can be potentially dangerous.
For example, a salesperson may assume that a buyer is not interested or hostile, and be way off track. Operating from this position can also be fatal in ongoing relationships. For example, a person may see a certain expression on his partner’s face and draw an instant, frequently erroneous conclusion, like, “You’re angry again!”
In the third perceptual position, you imagine yourself in a meta-position to the interaction at hand. In other words, you disassociate yourself emotionally from what is going on and literally watch what is going on between yourself and the other party.
Kruger points out that when people are “flying high” and feeling confident, they are always operating from the first perceptual position. A telltale sign is that they can rarely recall exactly what they did when operating from this position. For example, as a successful sportsman or public speaker to recount exactly how he played a game or made a speech, and he will usually tell you that he was so high that he was operating automatic pilot, almost in a fog.
“The way people talk to themselves determines whether they feel self-confident or not.”
It therefore goes without saying that one has to be fully prepared in order to operate from first position. If you are desperately searching in your hear for missing information, then you will probably slip into second or third position and start worrying about what the other person is thinking about you.
Operating from the second or third perceptual position can be useful when you need to evaluate a situation critically and have already established rapport. Avoid these positions, however, if you need to remain resourceful and fully present in a situation. For example, operating from the second or third perceptual position is the kiss of death to anyone with a propensity for stage fright!
If you wish to come across as vibrant and resourceful, always start an interaction from the first perceptual position.
So there you have it. A simple, yet effective recipe for resourcefulness if you take the trouble to put it into practice :
Monitor you physical state. Do your posture, gestures and breathing inspire you to feel self-confident?
How do you talk to yourself? Are you speaking to yourself with respect and are you telling yourself things you want to hear? Or visualizing things you want to see?
Are you fully present in the situation and operating from the first perceptual position? Or have you distanced yourself to second or third position?