There are two events that are definitive of every human being. The first is birth and the second is death. Between birth and death is the space in which all of us conduct our affairs. In the process of conducting our affairs it is generally the case that we attain to a greater level of maturity. Ideally, as a human being ages they become more mature. Of course it doesn’t always happen like this. Sometimes aged people are mired in immaturity and selfishness and sometimes young people achieve maturity beyond their years.
But what is maturity? At its core maturity is a matter of developing the capacity to be selfless, the capacity to forego what is good for me in order to take care of what is good for you. Roughly speaking, an immature person is self-serving and a mature person has the intent to contribute. The process of maturation is essentially a process which works on a persons intent. It works on the stuff that sits behind our eyes, our reasons for acting as we do. The more mature a person the more they are concerned with how they can be helpful and hence the more they are able to give attention to what is required of them instead of what they are getting out of a situation. This “purification” of one’s intent accounts for all the virtues associated with maturity. Of course all people are capable of both mature and immature acts. The distinction between maturity an immaturity is more a rough distinction between people who are most often self-serving and people who are most often concerned with contributing.
But what are the tell tale signs of maturity? Below is a list of 25 tell tale signs of maturity borrowed from Donna Labermeier. An interesting exercise is to examine whether you can recognize how it is that the intent to contribute accounts for the observable characteristics of a mature person listed below. Some are obvious, others are less obvious:
1. Realizing how much you don’t know.
2. Listening more and talking less.
3. Being aware and considerate of others as opposed to being self-absorbed, self-centered, and inconsiderate.
4. Not taking everything personally, getting easily offended, or feeling the need to defend, prove, or make excuses for yourself.
5. Being grateful and gracious, not complaining.
6. Taking responsibility for your own health and happiness, not relying on others to “fix” you or placing blame for your circumstances.
7. Having forgiveness and compassion for yourself and others.
8. Being calm and peaceful, not desperate, frantic, or irrational.
9. Showing flexibility and openness as opposed to resisting, controlling, or being unreasonable.
10. Helping yourself, not just expecting others to do it for you out of a sense of entitlement.
11. Doing good deeds even when there is nothing in it for you other than knowing you helped, being selfless.
12. Respecting another’s point of view, beliefs, and way of life without judgment, not insisting you are right, belittling another, or using profanity or violence to get your point across.
13. Sharing your good fortune with others.
14. Being able to turn the other cheek without wishing harm on another.
15. Thinking before acting and having good manners, not going off half-cocked, lashing out, or being rude.
16. Encouraging and being supportive of others.
17. Finding joy in the success of someone else, not envy or criticism.
18. Knowing there is always room to grow and improve and reaching out for help.
19. Having humility and laughing at yourself.
20. Recognizing that which does not work in your life and making an effort to do something different.
21. Passing up instant gratification in favor of long term benefits.
22. Accepting, liking, and loving yourself, not needing someone else to “complete” you.
23. Standing up for fairness and justice for yourself and others and choosing to do the right thing.
24. Making sacrifices for the good of others without resentment.
25. Not clinging to materialistic items or bragging.