My behavior is my presence in the world. My behavior is me expressing myself in the world. Binswanger, the philosopher, called this our being-in-the-world. Behavior is how and why we are being-in-the-world. To change behaviors one needs to change the map from which the choice to behave in a certain way originates.
The how refers to the kind of actions I do, based on which people make deductions about me: who I am, my intention, my outcomes.
The why refers to what effect or results do I want to achieve in the world. Behaviors are designed to make outcomes happen; they are never random, never “brainless”. No action will occur if there is not an outcome, pre-existing in my mind, for which the behavior/action is the means. It is also a fact that we frequently do not execute the best behavior for achieving that result, and many a time people would afterwards be angry or disappointed with themselves knowing that they could have selected a better or different behavior. This 20-20 hindsight is based on judging the choice of behavior against the how and why operative in the event.
There are at least 6 filters through which the choice of behavior is filtered. In an expert, or a person trained to behave in a certain way, these filters have already been dealt with as part of being unconsciously competent. But, training aside, we consciously and unconsciously answer the following “virtual” questions as part of the decision about what behavior will I permit myself.
- Purpose: “I intent to do … (what)?”
- Role: What is my role definition in this context as I execute the chosen behavior? (I am the expert, I am the leader, I am the guide, etc). One’s experiential definition of the role variety one permits oneself, co-determines the range of behavioral options one considers in an event.
- What are the standards or criteria by which I hold myself accountable? What kind/form of behavior do I consider right, or appropriate? A person’s behavior is the most accurate expression of values, with a higher validity than what people will say with their words. It is not strange for a person to say one thing and then behave in a manner the demonstrates another standard. If you want to know what people hold dear, watch their behavior.
The above three filters are major players in determining the “why” of behaving at all, and of behaving in a certain way. The “how” of a person’s behavior is shaped by at least the following three elements. These elements may be both empowering or inhibiting:
- Is it possible? Do I define myself as capable of doing the behavior?
- Do I judge the selected behavior as the effective way of achieving the intended outcome? How specifically should I behave to get the intended effect?
- Do I deserve the results or the effect that I intend getting? This questions ties in with two important “why” reasons. How I define myself will co-determine whether I consider myself worthy of getting that which I aim to effect. The standards or criteria refers to the permission I give myself to behave in a certain way. Under certain circumstances with high emotional intensity one would violate a standard, and then have to follow up with some serious self-justification (that is, if you need to reframe the clanging of your conscience).
Clearly, answering with a “no” to any one of these three questions may not only inhibit the behavior, but might prevent it from happening. However, for the more resourceful person a “no” answer to any of these questions opens a door to consider more options: “what else is possible? What other options might I consider to get …?”
Why is it useful to know about these 6 filters?
One important reason is that frequently the thinking through of these 6 filters happen unconsciously, and if at the status of a habit, then the thinking happens faster than nano-seconds in the brain. Becoming aware of the filters by asking the suggested questions is a way of slowing down, i.e. becoming conscious, so that alternative thinking-options may be considered.
Note, it is not always necessary to questions all 6 filters: it is not unusual to find that by working on the top three filters is sufficient to open the door to alternatives.
Sometimes it is not the “why” but the practicality of finding the evidence for “I can,” called a reference experience.
Happy mapping