In another life I used to teach goal setting workshops. You know the typical stuff; SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time specific), visualisation, Law of Attraction, affirmations, action strategies and vision boards.
I could get as many as 50 people in a room for a day workshop, once a month so the money was good. The problem for me was that I started feeling like a fraud. Don’t get me wrong, I too was achieving my ‘dreams’. I was ticking off my dream list at a rapid rate. I thought I wanted the house, holidays, cars, fame, women and the buff body. And, to a large degree, I was getting this. That buff body just kept eluding me.
The first thing about my goal setting journey is that it turns out that I wasn’t only lost in the forest, I was in the wrong forest altogether. Because what is the point of these goals? Probably, to make me feel secure, fulfilled and happy. And, of course, it’s slowly dawning on me that the outer manifestation that most goal setting courses get one to chase after, don’t give you any of these things.
Ironically, they make you less secure and unfulfilled. Think about it. The more you have the more you have to lose (insecurity) and the more you have the more you want (unfulfilled). So, I guess that no matter how many zeros you have behind your pay cheque, it will never be enough and can never fill the void of insecurity, insignificance and doubt in your chest. And, I had those in spades.
The second thing with goal setting is that it limits the true happiness you can actually get if you just let the universe and its plan for you unfold.
Think about it. Goals can only come from things you have witnessed in the past. You can only conceive a Porsche, holiday, Ray Bans, house, etc by what you have seen or experienced.
If your ultimate goal is actually to be happy (that’s why you try and get the stuff) then it’s possible that what you haven’t seen or conceived of yet can do that for you. The blessings that still have to unfold for you are way more magnificent than anything you can currently dream of.
Here are four examples from my own life that I believe give credence to what I’m proposing: That you and I have no idea what can still unfold in our lives that will make us truly happy, grateful and awe filled. And, more often than not, the happiness will come from a ‘wrong turn’ we’ve taken. If you unpack this ‘wrong turn’, you will find an exquisite pattern of events that have led you to where you’re supposed to be.
- In my mid-twenties I suffered from severe panic attacks almost every night. They were so terrifying that I thought I was going to die; every night. Because I was scared and quite frankly terrified for my soul, I started on a spiritual journey. The joy and happiness I’ve had as a result of this journey far outweighs anything I could have conceived.
- In 2005 I picked up a virus and ended up with a dicky heart. It helped me reevaluate where my life was going. And, that brought me more into ‘the moment’ living. It also got me back into the fitness world. I re-ignited my passion for running and today, I run just over 60km a week.
- In the same year my daughter was born. That unexpected gift was more magnificent and awe-inspiring than anything I could ever have conceived in my wildest dreams. I don’t think I can ever top the feeling I had when I looked into her eyes for the first time. It made me realise that things work out just how they are supposed to without any help from me.
- Recently, a friend of mine took a couple of wrong turns. The unintended consequences knocked my world off its axis. But, it made me look at my life right now. I realised I’ve been on auto-pilot in many of my endeavours for the past three years. I wasn’t doing what I really wanted to do. As a result I got moving and as I write these words, the world is unfolding for me in many wondrous ways and I’m going in a direction that makes my heart sing.
Hey, I’m not saying I don’t like the cars, houses and holidays. I just know that they pale into insignificance as to what is still waiting for me to discover. So, I’m not so much into goal setting these days. I’m more into surrender and know that this universe will unfold for me and give me more than I ever expected.