Everyone of us sometimes misbehaves and does something we regret. It is not always a straightforward thing to always know how to behave. With the best of intentions we often make the biggest idiots out of ourselves.
It is only natural to for us to worry about repeating this. We feeling these worries about social interactions we actually forget how simple social engagement actually is. Thankfully there is one simple rule to keep in mind in any social interaction that can help you ensure that you will be charming to others and remain courteous.
How to behave, the most important rule:
Be concerned for the person/people you are interacting with! In other words be genuinely interested in people and grant them significance, instead of trying to be significant yourself.
If you follow this rule you will naturally know how to behave. Here is a list of six tips that put this rule into practice, which you can follow in your social interactions. These are useful to keep in mind for even the socially competent because these form the bedrock of healthy human interaction.
1. Listen: Listening is placed at the top of the list because it is the most important tip for any social engagement. It is very offensive when you are talking to someone and they are not listening to what you are saying and just make assumptions about what you mean and what you are thinking. If you are not a good listener people will not enjoy talking to you because they will not feel heard.
Listening is a moral skill. It requires the you forgo your own agenda to give attention to the agenda of someone else. To be a good listener you must let go of your need to be heard and instead choose to want to hear what the other person is saying.
2. Don’t be Judgmental: Everyone has their own quirks and eccentricities. If you are the sort of person who turns their noses up at people’s weird quirks, you will often find yourself offending people. People will find you to be very subjective and opinionated. Ultimately there will be a limited number of people you can have warm and meaningful social interactions with.
Instead of being judgmental it is much better to be curious about other people’s weird quirks. Instead of deciding that people are bad for being quirky, ask them why they are the way they are and just be curious to hear them out and come to understand a different way of being. When listening it is always best to listen with a curios ear instead of a judgmental one. Avoid making value judgments but rather be curious about them. The question “why” asked with sincerity is a beautiful one.
3. Be Sincere and Honest: Honesty and sincerity is essential part of knowing how to behave. Be open and share your genuine thoughts on things. People very often pick up when we are being dishonest or insincere. To be dishonest is one of the most discourteous things you can do to a person. Very often you will find that people do not disappoint and your open-ness will be appreciated and will allow rapport to develop.
4. Stay Positive: People will often appreciate spending time with a person who sees the good where others may only see the bad. This kind of person makes the atmosphere lighter and helps breed optimism. It is also important to see the best in the person you are interacting with. If you see the best in someone you will bring out the best in them and they will appreciate that.
5. Be Easy and Go with The Flow: Always forcing your agenda on people is not a socially wise move. So long as it is reasonable, allow other people’s agendas to come to the foreground. Nothing spoils the atmosphere faster than someone becoming grumpy because the group is not doing what they want to do. Remember to always keep this balanced though as one is allowed to have lines that they are not willing to cross.
6. Be in The Moment: Last but not least is the requirement of being in the moment. This is a most essential element of good social behaviour. You must leave your baggage behind and don’t worry about the future. Ultimately knowing how to behave is a matter of practical judgment. It is the skill of always knowing what is appropriate in the moment. You need to be present in the moment to be able to know what is appropriate. Being in the moment is also needed for being decisive when taking action.
Be present and respond fluidly to the situation and the input given by other people. There is no greater way to be at ease than to become present. Our presence in the moment is something we can control because it is a function of our attention. Give attention to what is in front of you, recognise what is really going on and you will probably find that you know how to behave. For more on the rule I mentioned at the beginning please follow this link.