When you appraise the person or situation in front of you with your own agenda, with what you want to get and with your desires, you create the condition where the situation that is in front of you determines you. It has power over you – Etsko Schuitema
I can recall with amusement now at how aptly this statement fit my situation when as a young graduate I felt I desperately needed a job! Soon enough I got an interview call for the post of management trainee from the biggest Pakistani Oil Company and made my way to the interview with a great deal of expectation. The fact that I appraised the situation with my own expectation and desire calibrated the entire interview episode accordingly. And this is how it went:
When I arrived at the company office, I was blown away by its enormity. I went inside with a great deal of nervousness and all my mind could think of was, ‘How awesome will it be if I get to work here’. A few minutes later, as my name was called out, I made a very undignified entrance into the huge boardroom. I just couldn’t push it hard enough and in the hurry to get in, nearly got squashed in between.
As the first Senior Executive from the panel asked me to tell him about myself, I began by saying, “I think I am …and then blah blah blah’. I thought to myself, “There! I’ve given them a pretty unconventional answer. That should impress them.” But to my surprise the Executive said, “Do you think, or are you sure?”
I replied with a sheepish smile, “I am sure Sir”.
The interview that followed was not really an ideal one. The undignified entrance and the remark at the beginning made me diminutive every minute. I was not powerful. And I was certainly not the ideal candidate for the post!
Obviously, I did not get the offer I had so wanted.
Interestingly, exactly an year later I got an interview call from the same Company again for their new batch of management trainees. By now, I was working at another organization and was comfortable with what I was doing. But I decided to go for the interview nevertheless. This time I went ahead without any set of expectations. I thought to myself, “If I don’t make it, it’s no big deal and if I do I’ll see if I even want to work”.
I was the same Afia they had interviewed an year ago, I had the same qualifications albeit with work experience of an editor; not exactly the kind of experience employers would want from a management trainee posted at a fuel pump. But somehow my lack of an agenda, expectations and any desire made me a different person this time. Not only did I make a decent entrance into the boardroom (because I took time opening the door), but also aced the interview simply because I was confident and relaxed. I wasn’t pining for the job and it showed.
I got the offer this time but after some consideration, I decided to carry on where I was. The enormity of the office or the prestige of the organization held little personal value by now. The requirements of the job just didn’t fit with what I wanted to do in life at that time.
In retrospect, I might have aced the interview the first time if I had not been so focused on what I wanted out of the situation. It is little wonder then that some people fail to get jobs despite having amazing credentials because they are hinged on getting a good deal for themselves.
Recruitment specialists just know it intuitively that a candidate is a potential taker. Contrary to popular perception, they don’t really mind hiring someone with a work experience lapse, irrelevant experience or even age discrepancies if they gauge that the candidate will contribute to the organization’s growth by their set of inherent or learned skills. Companies look for givers not takers. And how you act makes you the definer, or the defined.
The same principle works in terms of our relationships with others. Like my friend and mentor Saadya Ahmed says,
“When you are in a relationship with a person and focused on what you should be getting, your whole demeanour changes so that even without your saying anything, the other person starts to resist you… because they realise through your intent and attention that you are a taker.”