Why do we love the people we love?”, Fakhir Shah asked participants recently in a Personal Excellence Program for Young Leaders of Engro Foods in Lahore.
He asked the participants to write down the name of the one person they loved dearly and their reasons for doing so. One young man argued, “I love my mother. And there is no reason for my love other than the fact that she is my mother.” Fakhir answered, “Think young man, think – it will come”. The man continued being confounded. Fakhir offered, “Try separating her from the role of a mother and then think”.
Another participant, Saqib Hashmi offered help. We narrate his inspirational example with his permission!
Saqib told the gathering that he has two daughters. And he loves one of them more than the other. The younger one whom he loves more is deaf and dumb by birth. And the other daughter has been endowed with all the senses. Yet he loves the one who cannot hear and speak.
His reason for doing so is that the younger one, in spite of her lack of faculties, shows how much she cares for her parents. Every night before going to sleep Saqib asks his daughters to make sure the doors of the house are locked. While the older one dilly dallies, the younger daughter jumps into action and locks the doors promptly.
She comes back to assure him that she has done it and then goes to kiss her mother goodnight. She then gestures to her father asking him when he’ll sleep and then checks after a while if he’s still awake. If he is, she asks him to sleep and kisses him goodnight too.
He says it is her loving habits which make her so endearing.
Fakhir explained how Saqib’s story perfectly explains why we love some people more than others. We love them because we are grateful to them. Our gratitude makes us naturally more generous to them emotionally and materially.
Gratitude and Generosity are mutually enabling. Gratitude gives rise to generosity which gives rise to further gratitude.